the musings of this nigerian gal

Disclaimer: this is not about romantic relationships 😂😂. I still dey find man, until then…

I have a roommate that cannot be more farther apart from me in personality. I have a friend that annoys me more often than not. I have another who is a phone hermit. I have someone that is under me. I am the head of a unit that requires me to constantly keep in touch with people.

Now, I grew up as an extrovert. Somewhere along the way, I learned to curl into a shell of insecurity that clung to my back.

I grew comfortable in this shell. Habit, they say, is hard to break.

Whenever I come into a relationship — friendship — with somebody, I guard my heart from being totally invested in the person. Just in case the person hurt me. In fact it seem like I wait for the moment they will hurt me. I don’t be enough, so that you can never accuse me of being too much. Yet, when I see another person being your enough, I fume.

In simple words, I play the victim.

You must understand the fact that relationship is a willing investment. You go in ready to invest — your resources, your time, your body, your heart — for just one ROI: the person.

But the not fun fact is that person is not perfect. Disclaimer: neither are you.

A relationship is the coming together of (at least) two flawed people ready to stick it with each other come rain, come sunshine. Determined and accepting that flawed as the ROI may be, it is still enough.

A relationship is an investment of all you are (varying according how close both parties are). It is commitment. It has its good days and its bad days. But through it all, you must always choose: Your shell or the person.