the musings of this nigerian gal

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
And pretty maids all in a row.

The first time I heard the phrase, “Mary contrary”, I pictured a willful girl who would always disagree with whatever you say.

If you say the sky is blue, she would insist that the sky was more purple than blue. Then she would march to the end of the earth to prove to you that the sky is indeed more purple than blue.

I found that girl a little amusing and in more ways than not, someone I could relate to.

For a very large part of my life, I admired the rebels.

Those ones who flew their collars and untucked their shirts when the school management made it clear that corporate was the dress code.

The ones who rode bicycles even though they could afford the principal’s car.

The ones who lived in a cubicle even though they owned the whole apartment building.

The ones bold enough to wear bright colours in a world that demanded only black and white.

I admired them so much that I soon started living by this a simple mantra, “I hate rules.”

To me, rules had become walls of prison that seek to box people up and shut their creativity.

Shut the vitality of their lives.

And I soon became a person that questioned every rule in existence.

I didn’t care whether it was good or bad. As long as it is a rule, questioned.

The norm? Questioned.

The millennials expected something from the Gen z? Questioned.

I see people laughing at the same joke and I dubbed them as simple minded people who couldn’t think for themselves enough to be different.

I find people genuinely nodding to what a sage just said and I would turn up my nose at them, claiming that they were nothing but ass kissers.

A man says something about what womanhood is and I would declare him short sighted or machoistic.

A woman sighs dreamily and declares that the fastest way to fall in love is on a stroll on a starry night and I would roll my eyes and make a commentary about just how cliché and unoriginal that was.

Now here’s the thing, I wasn’t the only one on that contrary street. All you have to do is take a look around you and you’ll see the hundreds of people who draw a similarity between contrariness and open-mindedness.

They question not to better their lives — and the lives of those around them — but in a bid to prove that they are not “bound” by societal rules.

The sky is blue? Who is the person that decided that?

No sex before marriage? Why should anyone tell me what and what not to do?

Guys can’t wear gowns? Who gets to decide fashion?

Ladies can’t be called fathers? Titles are a façade that seek to imprison and shackle the society.

There are only two genders? What is the proof? That proof was made by a low thinking authoritarian.

One thing that I have come to learn is that laws are not a problem.

Laws were created to bring order and give structure.

When God created the world he created it to exist within certain parameters. These parameters are governed by certain rules. These rules gives structure that ensure that the world runs exactly as the creator designed it to.

When we ignore these structure, these laws, these parameters, what is created is perversion and lawlessness.

Lawlessness because everyone gets to do what they want.

Perversion because everyone gets to decide what is a “fit” for them.

I probably sound like I am rambling but here’s what I am trying to say. Laws aren’t your enemy.

The only time we have a right to overthrow certain rules is when they do not reflect the purpose and the wisdom of God.

The only time we should question the norm is when the norm is far apart from the norm in God’s heart.

God created laws because he is a God of order. And he has called us to walk in his order.

One thing contrariness does to a person is that it sucks the joy and wonder out of a person. You can’t simply enjoy the mundane things of life, things that make us humans for the fear of “conforming”.

You lose joy.

You lose wonder.

And somewhere down the line, we lose ourselves.

We lose ourselves because we can’t say for sure what exactly we believe in.

We become drifters, riddled with anxiety. Crippled with self doubt. Besieged by confusion.

And that, my friend is no way to live.

God created life to be enjoyed.

Being contrary with a scowl always on your face and scoff always on your lips won’t let you enjoy life.

Smile a little.

Laugh a little.

Be amused by group jokes for no other reason save the goofiness of it all.

Love.

Allow yourself to be loved.

Enjoy the wonder of life.

Enjoy the juice squeezed out by the presence of unity.

You will find your life better for it.

You will be better for it.